i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So many bounce houses so little time
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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