I think im going to throw up on grandma
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
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I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
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Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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