i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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