In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize