Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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