Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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