Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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