Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
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True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
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Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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