I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize