I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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