I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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