the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize