____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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