There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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