Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
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all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
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He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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