Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
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Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
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I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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