I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
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Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
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Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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