She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
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After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
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Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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