I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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