Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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