I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize