He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need some magic done to my vagina
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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