i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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