You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... ๐ฏ๐๐๐
Do I even want to know?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words โIce Cream Enemaโ were spoken.
Randomize