he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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