Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
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Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
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I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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