im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
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you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
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i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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