You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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