I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
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But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
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Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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