yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
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I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
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I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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