hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
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He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
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I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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