"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize