in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
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Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
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i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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