I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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