You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
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i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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