Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
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my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
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You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It all started with a game of naked twister.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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