The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
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It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
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You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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