My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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