Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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