If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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