Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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