She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
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and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
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You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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