so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
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She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
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When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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