Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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