I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize