just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
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Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
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That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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