Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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