I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize