are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
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Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
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On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize