She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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